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whats up!!
its supposed to be a re-post ov my past blogs.
guess what, great times do come in handy. ive been looking for it for quite sometimes and even a small piece of it will do.
i now just keep on looking forward and hope for more of it to come. even if it just passing by me, ill be thankfull enough. what more can i expect from HIM to give a special treat to a piece of junk like me. hell yeah i dont even deserve it.
im being honest. pretending doesnt really go elsewhere.
from everybody's perspective, ill be the most brutal and bare knuckels death metal guitarist and when it comes to a softside ov me, ill end up with Destinys Child and Nicole Scherzinger CD's in my player. huhuhu. what a shame. my apology to Alex ov KRISIUN, yes, i am your awfull filthy fan.
but hey, why cant i? isnt the purpose ov being indipendent is doing what u want to do? who the fuck gonna stop me from listening to my own playlist?
there many parts ov me that belongs to something else. i have my own focus. metal music, business, work, hateTV, bands, social networking, chicks call, family and many oher things that comes and go. why bother restricting myself with such an ignorrant behaviour ov being as brutal as fuck but actually in ur blood there is a softside ov u that reaching out for a glimpse. its obviously not gay at all if u actually think that way.
so come on guys. just do ur thing.
cant pretend?
here is the solutions... BE YOURSELF!!
last saturday was a nice blast.
my band demolished it with full force!!.
whats up with it anyway? hmmm. its been weeks that the band have turnout to be a meaningless. the aura has faded and frustration has become an easy choice of recognitions.
it was last saturday, we finaly found the stolen jewel of the band.
with new line up.. we MARCH!!!!!
im at war with my own desire.
im at war with how to justify my needs and passions.
past has been an easy target for my future expectations.
i need a mission aligned with vision.
future are broad.
struggle is hard.
i now surrender to god's will.
it was my last travel to singapore i did really fell in love with Roxy.
she's the one who kept me smiling all the way while i was in singapore.
i didnt care much about paying her. infact, she did gave me discounts.
i love her so much.
but now, im here in malaysia. how can i fond her? i miss her assets.
owh Roxy. my beloved LP / Vinyl Store....
Technology has always been our friend lately. but hell no. im proud of being an analog lover. hahaha.
say hello to my new turntable / LP player. got it third hand i guess from a special friend since ive trashed my old ones.
my old turntable enhanced with line outs but this freaking new ones uses phono amps for the outputs. hell yeah ive got those phono amps.
trust me. it sounds incredible. u'll fuckin love it when u see ur LP spins.
troo KVLT i must say!!!
now, getting the LP is the hard parts.
interesting story it is.
life is ackward. terrified by humiliating past and blurred with congested future, i now walked a different path.
today, i'm different.
relationship has always been a best fucked up agenda to me. as it today, im now not a lousy fiance to someone who had a purple and cherishable things in her life. ive been in sweetdreams for a long time already. this means no more hangouts, no more latenite talks, no more pillow talks, no more birthday wish, no more etc..
lets just not blame to each other for once. every human being needs a lifetime chance to experience it. ive definitely overwhelmed by it but it seems that i didnt try it enough.
i dont even know what love means anymore. is it worth it?
im a man full of desire. lurking out to reach some point where every mojo is not the only thing in life.
tears has always been my freaking friend lately. i never regret that. emotions do come sometimes.
ive fooled around with endless wrath and limbo of destructive feelings. ive dances with desirable snakes. ive walked through hell and yet i still miss the calm soft hand on my cheecks and chest. facing me with sorrow eyes. saying chants of emotions to take me away from all this botomless pit. where there's no desire to fulfilled, no soul to be scrife, no castle or gold to be spared. only words, promises, trust and yes, definitely love.
then came another part of this journey where it all make sense. LETTING GO.
its hard to be shared emotionally but yet its painfull enough to breaks every little faith ive got in my soul just to see only the glimpse of it. its like where all the birds just flew away distantly under the thundered and raining sky. ive seen the consequences. ive seen the history before. its just a matter of time everything will be put to end. choosing that seems to be a simple task. regrets is so yesterday.
now, its for me to choose the preferable path.
HITCH was right. at least a guy like me desarve a great chances.
have u ever ask anybody about ur own karma? do u ever ask about what d hell happened in ur fuckin life?
well, thats probably a question from a dude with bad karma all d way.
yup. its me. all ov my thoughts in this fuckin blogs is always about how im dealing my fuckin problems. to tell u d truth, im tired of this fuckin nonesense. ive been waiting and waiting for some lights to shine me through but hey, no luck as well. will i be able to actually find my luck?
money is aways a problems. but i never have been regretting it.seriously. always with an idea of surviving. maybe thats my kind of luck i guess.
what if i could be a doctor? maybe ill be livin large plus with a decent wifey i guess. or maybe i could be a CEO in some MNC or GLC company. thats might sounds better. perhaps i could be a political figure,or maybe some guy in nice suits that wouldnt be much of a problems for me dealing with financials i guess.
ive been asking a lot to god about my karma but obviously, god must have a great plans for me in the end i guess.
but im only an old rocker who thinks he can change the fuckin world.
seriously, despite all the curses, i now surrender to god's will!
Im back!!
serious guys, its been a while since i drop a pen to write in here (keyboard obviously).
guess what, great times do come in handy. ive been looking for it for quite sometimes and even a small piece of it will do.
i now just keep on looking forward and hope for more of it to come. even if it just passing by me, ill be thankfull enough. what more can i expect from HIM to give a special treat to a piece of junk like me. hell yeah i dont even deserve it.
im being honest. pretending doesnt really go elsewhere.
from everybody's perspective, ill be the most brutal and bare knuckels death metal guitarist and when it comes to a softside ov me, ill end up with Destinys Child and Nicole Scherzinger CD's in my player. huhuhu. what a shame. my apology to Alex ov KRISIUN, yes, i am your awfull filthy fan.
but hey, why cant i? isnt the purpose ov being indipendent is doing what u want to do? who the fuck gonna stop me from listening to my own playlist?
there many parts ov me that belongs to something else. i have my own focus. metal music, business, work, hateTV, bands, social networking, chicks call, family and many oher things that comes and go. why bother restricting myself with such an ignorrant behaviour ov being as brutal as fuck but actually in ur blood there is a softside ov u that reaching out for a glimpse. its obviously not gay at all if u actually think that way.
so come on guys. just do ur thing.
cant pretend?
here is the solutions... BE YOURSELF!!
ive been messing around for quite sometimes these days. im also trying to understand what am i worth for. basically it doesnt make any sense at all i guess. these few months has been a hectic months for any of my relationships. life is definitely cruel sometimes. im still wandering around and for god sake's still not knowing my purpose of living. tell me everything. wasting my life, doing stupid things, freaking out or whatsoeva. im still the same fuckin dick.
its nice sometimes to know other people oppinions rather than blaming urselves out for what happening in ur surroundings. i use to ask god fro what am i living. and believe me, for the past 3 months, ive been asking him a lot and yet... NO ANSWER. i guess im not worhty for HIM as well.
after this 5-6 months period.. things has never get any better. ive been re-scheduling my life but still, im unpredicted. the seconds i get this great things.. the seconds i got this bad things.. as well. everything just happened to be FUCKED UP! yes.. for me.. its everyday. im not just fuckin actng and obviously not being a FUCKIN EMO if thats what u mean. this is fuckin REAL!!
ive stop pretending months ago. yess. obviously pretending is the most suitable words for what ive been doing before. ive been messin around with someones life and still being proud of it. who's a fuckin MORON can even do that?? for the past 3 months ive tasted a lot in my life. JEALOUSY, PRETENDING, FUCKED UP, LIAR, STUPIDITY, DEATH, CRAPS, SORROW.. just name it.. yup. ive tasted a lot..
maybe the key objective's in my life is actually STUPIDITY. its a simple word but it suits me right. building up my life is not easy task for me.. lookin at how many ruins i have made. but i finally realize.. ive still got my 10% of my life that i can save. and still.... FUCK U MYSPACE!!!
this is my later blog that i have psted on myspace. just to fill things up in here. enjoy :
And again Rimie... congratulations... u r now once again a product of failure.
turns out that it is embedded to me since i was born i guess. life is suppose to be toughtfull and great but it turn out to be filthy and shitty failure. i never work things out. it wouldnt work out well on everything.
remember that i use to say about the "why do i bother" syndrome? well, it wont work as far as im concerned.
shit always happens.
how about try to win somebodys heart and ur out of fuel and also cash?? and ur car need fixing and accidentally run somebodys car.
thats is not like "shit happens". thats is damn filthy goat vomit all over me. he he.
again.. fail
what about, trying to impress someone u r something and yet u r nothing. wow, now thats a good start. think again smart ass. ull never be one.
ermm, again... hey, lets call some that i knew. maybe we can hang out??
teeeeeeetttttttt.... the number has been changed. thats not awfull. thats my KARMA. i was born a fuckin failure.
dont try to tell that i wrote this because of love or some crappy things like it. its just a metaphore statement u idiots.
god, do i deserve this?? do i really need this?? i dont need strength right now god. i need protection. protection from my own desire. i know ive been asking a lot lately and yes.. im being honest that i always left u behind. but please god. i need u now.
but hey god, i guess i really deserve this right?
ill just be one sicko guy who turn out to be something dull monumen and everybody would just come and lean on me and go just like the wind. hell yeah its true.
do i need top be something??
do i need to keep doing being myself??
and guess what. she's always right!! LOVE U MOM!!!
and FUCK U MYSPACE!!!!
